And so the weekend of my year comes to a close.. months ago i gave up early starts for late finishes.. not like it ever mattered anyway, i never had to take up late finishes, they were just in the blood. What was mind destroying however was the mix. The evil mix of early and late, creation and destruction. I enjoyed both, needed both, but could not contain both in one day. My daily life was torn apart and my mind struggled to bridge the gap between the two...shall i consider an alternative... to turn early into late and wake when the sun leaves my world? Is that the answer.

 

If today of all days was anything to go by it really would not matter that much. This Sunday, the Sunday of my long weekend if you will, existed only within the walls of an apartment in Paris. For anybody except for the 5 other people who interacted with me today I barely need to have existed. You can check off the usual, the Internet, the music, the movies, the writing, the food, the water, the smells, the windows, the cold, the toilet, the thoughts, the phone calls, the texts, the news from home, the news from "the crumbling world"...... so much of the badness, the hopelessness of life is gone at night...minds are put to rest... people forget and exist solely within their minds. The only true privacy is behind those eyelids. And for all the economic downturns, the horrific weather, the fatal stabbings, the tragic car crashes... for all that sadness, reality is really just an echo within our minds... where we all truly exist, where we are all truly trying to find meaning and happiness. For it does not matter how the daily goings and comings of emotion and reaction effect us as a result of personal interaction...what matters is our own happiness...with ourselves... and for those brief moments between sunset and sunrise, everyone finds a place to be content. Everyone escapes the sadness... and the "realities" of life are no longer broadcast between mouths and ears, from screens and amplifiers... it simply stops...

 

So as i sit here... i realise there is only a silence, not of lonelyness but of relief... a contented silence... a moments peace, the world relaxes and enjoys its time in the shelter of its collective consciousness...

 

the first noises we hear in the morning are often the worst you will hear all day. A buzzing alarm clock or loud reminders of how we are late is no way to set yourself up for happiness..

 

i for one am happy with my space in time... i may be alone out here in reality... and the quiet streets echo the clicking of my keyboard.. i listen to the slow heart beat of relief and relaxation.

 

Space to think.