I had it so close the edge was feeling lucky to still exist and in my space the things kept coming one after the other one after the next and everyone had questions everyone had answers to those questions before i could even speak, and what am i supposed to say? what am i supposed to do? Everywhere i look i see a reason to say no a reason to stop and just start again and why not? money? patience? i dont know what they have to do with it anymore, and the then we have the otherworldly feelings...the ones that do not go away, the people who make a difference and my unholy need for understanding of the them and what they mean to me.

an unholy understanding? what am i at? there is no reason to make such rediculous statements are there? for if this is the one surely this unholy-ness is irrelivant!?

if it is the one tho? what am i to think? what am i to do? the lights will tell me one thing, they will tell me to go for it, it makes sense it makes everything fit? everything will be perfect, everything will be dandy....

and then the blackness feels alone? feels unwanted? used up and pointless? after so long, you treat me like your own then you find the light and throw me away. are you sick of that false light? the one that called to you and made you "happy"? the one that you used to check out, to fix your broken things? what am i to say? who am i to understand?

I broke that a long time ago, a promise a song and those prayers

I havnt got the dreams to sing about
i havnt sang the words you scream about
whats over there but happiness and lies
and over hear is the truth that makes you cry