This growing, this turning heaving and recreating the reality, the slow pace, the growing boredom, the slow trickle of light through the folds in the curtain, knowing that two hours ago was a good time, two houors ago was far enough, and now the flow of light is a mocking flag, its a stamp on my territory. Im too late, the boat has set sail and i am left in this sea of light, struggling to stay in the dry, dry and peacefull.
My options are coated in sleep, to embrace to swim and dive for the other side... huge planks of light floating between the darkness, flipping endless in the space, the ever-embracing sweet space of night. I would dive to save the day, i would dive to deny the night, and with it destroy that time i want, when i dont have the weight. When i dont have the distraction. When it is just understanding.. because there is nobody to explain to. .. and i want it that way - and that is my second sleep coated option.
Quiet suburban solitude.. a forest of silent brickwork, hiding the vulnerable unaware. I sit on cold windows waiting for the next disruption, if it comes... wondering how we can sacrafice this? Its not about productivity in the wider sense, yet we struggle to bracket our days between the setting suns... ours and theirs. Don't forget to slow down, there is no need to pull the handbreak and crash...
I am sitting on this cold ledge, slowing down, and letting my head talk to me. I am being led, I am going to follow and listen, I am going to note and investigate... I am going to find the most important things here, so that in the future... when the suns are ticking away my time.. i will remember... that it is not the end.. I just want to slow down and look into the black.
There was another time.. half out the window, in another place.. my mind considered the possibilities.. thinking of why i was there, why i was still awake... listening... wondering if that familiar dum hum of distant activity would ever be achieved in the heart of the system... it was sad.. there was no escape... and there should always be an escape..
I have escaped tonight. Been waiting for that for awhile