... losing something temporarily to the restrictions of program. I created this thing.. something that rekindled my relationship with sound. Something I loved and wanted everyone to hear instantly. A snippet of something that could be a part of more.
Why do you do it? Who is going to care? And what will THEY think when they see this other side. The abstract side. The one that talks in tongues. The section of the list that was personal was fairly empty. What did that mean? Who was responsible for keeping it active. And was it actually more active than you think or does the 9-5 have you by the balls and all. I'd say it does. They have succeeded in making you feel like this is your thing. Who is going to benefit? Who is going to slap you on the back at the end of the day and say here is your share.
That section of the list was too empty. Too lacking in real substance. It was all a product of something or someone else. You were struggling to fill it. It felt like shit. You've felt like shit. You've lost your way looking into what you will have rather than what you could have right now... or what you could be creating for you, for yourself. Stuff thatr you can instantly say you love and want to share. Something you know is top class... world standard. Golden from the outset.
But you have been looking to far ahead. Forgetting the present. Forgetting this and how natural it is. Forgetting the stuff that makes you unique and creative. Without realising you have been fitting in with the extraordinary. You are part of a team, part of the best but you are also losing the edge that got you there. They need you, maybe... there is a pause of realisation in you there... you know it is not neccessarily that way. You did not grow up dreaming of the things they seek. You landed on this at a later date... how did you get there? And why are you still sitting around trying to get as much out of it as possible.
You have stopped running your life based on what you love and begun letting it be governed by what you feel you should do, and by the demands of others.
Give them time to give you back something before you break your own life. Rebuild.. create
Create... rebuild... love it all again... reconnect.. in a real way.. with words, shapes, sounds, images. People... movement.
Get that code and find that sound. Make the effort and reconnect.